The difficult-to-hear news has been consistent, but even so, God’s hand has been evident and heavy throughout it all and for that, we are thankful.

Today, we got a surprise visit from ID (infectious disease). Most of the visits from the doctors are a surprise. Even if we know they are coming that day, the time is often unknown. We’re not the only one here and we know that.

He basically just wanted to exam Emma, ask questions to see if anything was concerning and review everything in general. He, like most of the specialists (not attendings on the floor), make it seem like we the only stop for the day. I really appreciate that. They genuinely allow as much time as is needed to thoroughly answer any question we might have and believe me, I usually have quite a few. I generally only have one or two at most prior to the consult with most of the others resulting from things discuss after we begin. Medical schooling is expensive, so I figured I’d try to get my money’s worth while we’re here. Seriously though, the knowledge is powerful and has really helped up navigate through these time. The questions are also forward-looking and will help us down the road.

As I said before, Emma’s case was particularly severe which was crazy considering how “normal” everything was. Basically no symptoms. Due to the severity and the time it took to get ahead of the infection, we received an updated length of time that Emma will remain in the NICU to receive IV antibiotics —

4 more weeks

This was hard to hear since it began as 3 weeks, and then maybe 2 weeks, and then back to 3 weeks. Now it’s 4 which began just several days ago. I agree with their outlook, it’s just hard to hear compared to previous optimism. We’ve received quite a bit a set-up in that sense which wasn’t fair to us, but I can sympathize with the difficult nature of answering such questions early on. There is no black and white, not even now. I think it was worse because I ask so many questions. It just took me a while to realize that it was my responsibility to make sure I was getting all the “possible scenarios” and mentally cataloging the information correctly.

At least this will give us extra time to prepare and utilize the resources at our disposal while we are here. I was planning on going back to work this Monday, March 2, and it seems that I still am, but I don’t want to of course. That’s 3 weeks off total. I don’t want add anything extra at this time and I also don’t want to miss anything here. I can’t advocate for Emma if I’m not here, nor can I if I don’t have the information I need to do so. Granted, things seem to be leveling out and will continue to do so, Lord willing, but still. I am praying for wisdom and insight quickly as this is a “the sooner the better” decision. Financially, it would be wise to return. It would ensure securing my job. FMLA isn’t really applicable in my situation. Besides, I believe it much a “what is God saying to do” scenario than weighing the options that are in front of me. I am hopeful for a clear answer tomorrow.